B R I A N S N O D D Y ' S M I D G E T P O R N
Seven Card Stud. Queens are wild. Do not forget that Queens
are wild. 2s and 3s are "midgets" and can be added to other num-
ber cards to create existing number cards. Thus, a 3 and a 5 can
be added to make an 8, but another 4 can't be added to make an
11, because 11 isn't a real card. "A" is not a number. A combined
card only has a suit if the cards that were combined to make it
have the same suit (this only matters when trying to build a flush
or a straight flush). Oh, and don't forget, Queens are wild.
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Who's Brian Snoddy?:
Brian Snoddy (rhymes with "roadie") is an artist. We do not mean merely an illustrator, though at that he is beloved by millions. He is an artist whose medium is profanity. Swearing as an art has all but vanished. People used to have to be inventive, because if you said those seven words you can't say on TV in public, you could be arrested. These days, thanks to defenders of the First Amendment, God bless 'em, subtlety and innuendo are things of the past, and a few shopworn four-letter words are all you need. Brian hearkens back to an earlier time. His casual conversation is a jaw-dropping tapestry of casual profanity, deliv- ered entirely without malice, containing only the occasional four-letter grace note, and illuminating any subject from art to science, just as long as it has midgets in it. |
BACKGROUND: We love this game. We love it so much that
we event have a variant, called Clown Car. What clown cars
have to do with midgets and porn, we don't know. But we're
convinced that "Brian Snoddy's Midget Porn Variant" are the
give funniest words in the English language, just as "Bizarre
Sausage Factory Accident" are the funniest four, "Ugandan
Banana Famine" and "Removable Clown Wig" are tied for the
funniest three, "Engelbert Humperdinck," though not actually
English, are the funniest two, and "Pants" is the funniest one,
especially when used to replace choice words in dialogue from
Star Wars. Meanwhile, back in the poker book....
VARIANTS: See also Addition and Fusion for more fusing of
cards.
Clown Car: It's the same as Midget Porn, but the best hand
splits the pot with the smallest hand. "Smallest" is defined as the
seven-card hand that can be compresed into the fewest cards.
You have to use all seven of your cards and, yes, you can make
a Queen into a midget so she can stack on top of another card.
A great Clown Car hand would be something like 2-2-3-4-Q-Q-5.
This can be compressed into three cards: (2 + 2 + 3 + Q)-(4 + Q)-5.
And it's also four 7s: (2+5)-Q-Q-(4+3).